My Dear Lover,

Yesterday I found that a working colleague of me, that was"desperate" for having a loving relationship for several years, nowhave a girlfriend.

I am glad for him, but at same time I am "concerned"!

I am glad because he really wanted so so much to have a girlfriend,and finally he did it.
I am "concerned" because he "get" his girlfriend in an onlinedating site.

Of course there is all kind of persons in an online dating site.There are very good, honest and loving persons like my colleague is,but there are also scams persons!

And my colleague is so "innocent", he really is!

So many times I joke with him, telling him "false" things, and healways believe that I am telling the true.
He says to me "Maria, I will never more believe in you! You arealways telling me lies, and I always believe you! Next time I won'tbelieve you."

But, the fact is that "next time" he believe me ( I have to behonest with you, I keep doing to kind of "tease" him ).

And then he comes "Maria, I will never more believe you!". And Itell him that he can't believe in all that people tell him, but henever "learn" it.

But he never "learn" that, because he is a very "innocent" kind ofperson.And that is why I am "concerned" with his new online girlfriend. Ifshe is there for scam purposes, he will be a victim.

I am in a Long Distance Relationship, but my relationship didn'tstarted online, but maybe your relationship did, so I want to sharewith you an article about "Online Dating SCAMS" .

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Online Dating SCAMS

Copyright (C) 2006 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Before you even think about online dating, you must know about dating scams.

This is serious: if you get too deeply involved, a dating scam can significantly hurt not only your heart, but your finances, too.

Make sure you know how to protect yourself from fraud when using dating sites!

Internet personals, online introduction agencies and matchmaking sites allow anyone to join for free, and they usually do not screen their members. It means you never know who is behind this pretty photo: a real beautiful woman or a con artist who downloaded a photo of an unknown model from the Internet.

There are four types of online dating scams:

1. Prostitute scam;

2. Phone scam;

3. Travel scam;

4. Nigerian postal scam.


Let me tell you more about these scams.

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1. Prostitute scam

Prostitutes are straightforward: they place profiles on dating sites to solicit business. Such profiles are usually easily recognized by sleazy user names and steamy self-descriptions. They don't waste time letting you know what they are after.


2. Phone scam

This is the variation of the old phone scam: the person asks you to call them, and when you do, you get a bill in the mail for hundreds of dollars (1900 number).


3. Travel scam

The person resides overseas and asks you to help them with travel expenses to visit you.


4. Nigerian postal scam

The person pretends to be a relative of a diseased government official who asks for your help in a financial transaction.

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So, how can you protect yourself from being taken by Internet con artists using online personals to reach their victims?

Here is the simple guidance that will make your use of online dating sites safe and secure.

First, when you view a profile, look out for the things like a sleazy user name, especially if it's a woman: guys cannot stop thinking about sex 24/7 (and it's normal) - but women normally don't do it. Sincere women don't choose user names like "the_sweetest_sin", "ms_right_now" etc.

Second, read what the profile says: people milking others for money will say something vague that can fit anyone.

Third, look at the photos: gorgeous professional photos in combination with vague profile almost always mean trouble. People with beautiful photos receive LOTS of mail, so they become VERY selective and include many requirements in their profiles (especially women).

Basically, any woman who talks about loving sex and experimenting in bed is most likely not for real.

Any man who talks about being a millionaire isn't for real either.

It doesn't mean there are no women who love sex and experimenting in bed or millionaires on the site - they just DO NOT talk about that in their profiles.

And any person who does, is a liar.

Simple.

Another HUGE warning is overseas profiles. Often people would list their location as being local and when you start talking to them, they reveal they are from overseas (Niger.ia, Russia, etc).

Such profiles should be treated as potential scams - always.

If the location in the personal profile doesn't match what the person says about him/herself, my advice is to drop it altogether and don't waste your time.

If you decide to proceed, do it for entertainment purposes only and don't get emotionally attached.

What will happen, sooner or later you will get a money request in some form - they need money for a sick relative, they want to visit you and need money for tickets, etc - whatever the reason, there WILL be a money request.

When this happens, you can play along and have some fun, asking for instructions and promising to send them money - just don't actually SEND it.

If you do, there are two variants: they will disappear or ask for MORE money (hey, if you were so stupid to send it once, why not try again!) - and keep asking for more money until you stop sending it.

Don't even HOPE this is for real.

Because it's NOT.

You may want to believe it is, but better believe ME: I am a real person and you can ring me and have a chat with me. With those people, you can't.

So, who would you choose to believe: me, who tells you this is a scam - or them, who ask you for money (which you can NEVER recover)?

I work in online dating since 1999 - I KNOW.

Trust me on that.

Long distance + request for money = SCAM.

Forget any sweet stories you've heard in between - and any sweet pictures, too. Most likely, the pics are downloaded from the Net and belong to some model. (Hey, there were even scammers using MY OWN pictures! ;-))

Guys are more vulnerable to this one than girls: I have never heard about a woman who wired thousands of $$$ to some guy to come and visit her - but the Internet is PLASTERED with stories of men sending money to their non-existing female admirers.

How wonderful... this perfect female specimen cannot wait to get hold of your zip and provide you with the greatest pleasure you ever experienced!! OF COURSE she sincerely loves you and is different from any woman you met before (and probably a couple of generations younger than you as well).

C'mon mate: those perfect Playboy-type exemplars dying to try your new sheets exist only in the virtual reality of your correspondence.

They are as real as Santa Claus or Niger.ian millions. You know this one: you get a mail from a relative of a deceased top government official who begs your assistance in transferring large sums of money (stolen from the country's people obviously) - and easily promising to give you a few millions if you simply allow them to use your bank account. The people may list themselves as being from Nigeria, or any other African country.

This one is as clear as daylight, so if anyone starts talking about money transfers, honesty and trust, simply BLOCK them.

Remember the formula:

Long distance + request for money = SCAM.

I hope this article will help you protect yourself from dating scams and you will only meet honest, sincere and genuine singles from now on.

Happy hunting! :-))

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Elena Solomon is a dating coach.



Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became
#1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It shows you EXACTLY how you can utilize the natural laws of attraction and our in-built sexual strategies to win in the game of love. A special part in the book is devoted to online dating.

Get the UNFAIR ADVANTAGE in the battle of sexes!

http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/books/simplybest.html

© Copyright 2006, 12 Simple Rules

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Don't measure the distance, measure the Love.

Maria Madeira - "The Angel of Distance Loving Help"

P.S. Of course I do believe in Long Distance Relationships, even online, and there are many successful relationships that did start online. This article is not to "scare" you, but it's good to know that this things do exists. Feel free to post your comments here, and to forward this message to your friends.

My Dear Lover,

Some days ago, I receive 2 emails from 2 members of
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com , asking me to help them with
their Long Distance Relationship problems.

Maybe you have the same problems. So instead of answering to them
individually I decided to share with you their problems and my
advices.

As I want to protect their identity, I only will quote their emails
here.

"Relocate With Children"

One member send me this email:

"I wanted to say thank you for your letters. Every time I read them, I have to laugh because it is exactly what I am going through. I have been in a LDR for a year now. I live in Ca. and he lives in Co. We are both divorced and both of us have 2 daughters that we share custody with. From the very beginning, we were working on getting me and my daughters to move out there
to CO., but my ex-husband won't let me take my daughters. I won't
leave without my girls. We haven't been to court yet, but it is
very expensive and I am hearing that most people are not getting
their custody moveaways.
My fiance is afraid of losing me because it is so hard to live
apart. He loves his daughters soooo very much and has been thinking about leaving them and moving out here to be with me. I just think that he will regret leaving his girls down th road and it will affect our marriage. He is the love of my life, I just don't know what to do at this point."

Well , first of all I want to say that I really love that my
letters are appreciated. Thank you.

Second I want to say that I'm so glad that you "laugh" when you
read my letters. It's so good when we can laugh of our situation.
That means that we can "step outside" of our problems, and are more able to deal with them.

Yes, most of my letters are exactly what you are going through
because I am going through by the same! And that is the main reason of this website, to share with you all my experiences, all my advices so you don't feel alone in the Long Distance Relationship "crusade". And above all, that to "show" you that Long Distance Relationships do work.

Now, going to the problem of relocating and the daughters. I once
post at
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/blog/2005/07/who-should-relocate-in-long-distance.html ,
my advices about relocating. I also address the problems that
long distance lovers may have to consider when there is children.

I don't have children's yet, but I want to have. So in my case
children are not a concern to me. But if I had children's, for sure, what would most determine the decision about who should relocate, would be the "solution" that would put children in first place. And of course you need to communicate a lot with your beloved, and with your children's, with your ex partners (if possible), until all arrive to the "best" decision.

When you say "I am hearing that most people are not getting their
custody moveaways" my advice is that you should not stick only by
what you are hearing. Research, try to find others that were in the
same situation as you, in the past. Speak with them. "Study" the
law system, what is on your side and what is not?

"Interracial Romance"

Another member send me this email:

"I am in a long distance relationship, i love my lover
so much from my heart. we ahve been together for a
while now.
i am in afirca and she is in the states.
last night i called her and she seemed to be crying at
the time of the call.
i asked why and she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white. can you tell me how to
handle this, do you stories of poeple in a long
distance mix racial relationalship? what books can you
recommend me to read about this."

And I am going to quote something I receive in my email, some days
ago:

"According to the historian A.C. Saunders, the first time
an auction of African slaves was conducted in Portugal
in the 1440s, townspeople where the auction was
held rioted and interfered with the sale.

Why?

They were outraged by the monstrous inhumanity of it.

A few short years later, what had been seen clearly as
an outrage became business as usual and the multi-century
holocaust known as the Atlantic Slave Trade was underway.

Ken McCarthy
Founder, The SYSTEM Seminar
TheSystemSeminar.com"

Yes, I am from Portugal, I have a lot of proud of being Portuguese, but I am also so ashamed for what Portugal did in the past.

Portuguese nowadays, are a completely different people that we was in the past. I guess the same happens in almost all countries!

Nowadays, Portuguese are a very very beautiful people, we are
friendly and warm people, we love to help, and we are not racist.
We respect a lot other cultures, other religion, and we leave in
complete peace with everybody. And one day, if you come to Portugal ( I hope you do, it's such a beautiful country! ), you will be able to feel it!

When you say "she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white.", does she is just worried in her mind, or in fact it's more than a worry? Where she lives people are racist? There is others couples living there, just like you? They are having "bad" times? Can you live with that?

For both of these "problems", the "Relocate With Children" and the "Interracial Romance" I will say that it is a big decision that will change your life forever, you need to be very clear about your expectations and facts also ( not just what you are hearing or worried about.

But my most important advice to you is to listen to your heart.
True love is so precious and can overcome any difficult.

Because both of this "problems" are beyond my experience, and I
want the best for you, I will recommend something that it's a
treasure and a poison.

A treasure because there you will find a lot of very good help.

A poison because there you will find some people that are so angry with life, or that don't love others and themselves enough, and that say horrible things.


Long Distance Relationships ( I guess you will find people that are in LDR and have children's too )
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=19

Interracial Romance
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=18


And if I can be of any more help to you, please let me know!

Don't measure the distance, measure the Love.
Maria Madeira - "The Angel of Distance Loving Help"

P.S. When you go there, people put your "critique hat", and please don't let yourself be influenced by the "poison". Filter the good ones and discard the bad ones. And if you need some advice, if you get confused about what you read there, please email me, I am always here to help you the best I can.

P.P.S. Please, share your advices, post a comment in this post.
Your help is also more than welcome, and all of us will be eternal thankful to you.