Who Else Have This Relationship Problems?
My Dear Lover,
Some days ago, I receive 2 emails from 2 members of
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com , asking me to help them with
their Long Distance Relationship problems.
Maybe you have the same problems. So instead of answering to them
individually I decided to share with you their problems and my
advices.
As I want to protect their identity, I only will quote their emails
here.
"Relocate With Children"
One member send me this email:
"I wanted to say thank you for your letters. Every time I read them, I have to laugh because it is exactly what I am going through. I have been in a LDR for a year now. I live in Ca. and he lives in Co. We are both divorced and both of us have 2 daughters that we share custody with. From the very beginning, we were working on getting me and my daughters to move out there
to CO., but my ex-husband won't let me take my daughters. I won't
leave without my girls. We haven't been to court yet, but it is
very expensive and I am hearing that most people are not getting
their custody moveaways.
My fiance is afraid of losing me because it is so hard to live
apart. He loves his daughters soooo very much and has been thinking about leaving them and moving out here to be with me. I just think that he will regret leaving his girls down th road and it will affect our marriage. He is the love of my life, I just don't know what to do at this point."
Well , first of all I want to say that I really love that my
letters are appreciated. Thank you.
Second I want to say that I'm so glad that you "laugh" when you
read my letters. It's so good when we can laugh of our situation.
That means that we can "step outside" of our problems, and are more able to deal with them.
Yes, most of my letters are exactly what you are going through
because I am going through by the same! And that is the main reason of this website, to share with you all my experiences, all my advices so you don't feel alone in the Long Distance Relationship "crusade". And above all, that to "show" you that Long Distance Relationships do work.
Now, going to the problem of relocating and the daughters. I once
post at
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/blog/2005/07/who-should-relocate-in-long-distance.html ,
my advices about relocating. I also address the problems that
long distance lovers may have to consider when there is children.
I don't have children's yet, but I want to have. So in my case
children are not a concern to me. But if I had children's, for sure, what would most determine the decision about who should relocate, would be the "solution" that would put children in first place. And of course you need to communicate a lot with your beloved, and with your children's, with your ex partners (if possible), until all arrive to the "best" decision.
When you say "I am hearing that most people are not getting their
custody moveaways" my advice is that you should not stick only by
what you are hearing. Research, try to find others that were in the
same situation as you, in the past. Speak with them. "Study" the
law system, what is on your side and what is not?
"Interracial Romance"
Another member send me this email:
"I am in a long distance relationship, i love my lover
so much from my heart. we ahve been together for a
while now.
i am in afirca and she is in the states.
last night i called her and she seemed to be crying at
the time of the call.
i asked why and she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white. can you tell me how to
handle this, do you stories of poeple in a long
distance mix racial relationalship? what books can you
recommend me to read about this."
And I am going to quote something I receive in my email, some days
ago:
"According to the historian A.C. Saunders, the first time
an auction of African slaves was conducted in Portugal
in the 1440s, townspeople where the auction was
held rioted and interfered with the sale.
Why?
They were outraged by the monstrous inhumanity of it.
A few short years later, what had been seen clearly as
an outrage became business as usual and the multi-century
holocaust known as the Atlantic Slave Trade was underway.
Ken McCarthy
Founder, The SYSTEM Seminar
TheSystemSeminar.com"
Yes, I am from Portugal, I have a lot of proud of being Portuguese, but I am also so ashamed for what Portugal did in the past.
Portuguese nowadays, are a completely different people that we was in the past. I guess the same happens in almost all countries!
Nowadays, Portuguese are a very very beautiful people, we are
friendly and warm people, we love to help, and we are not racist.
We respect a lot other cultures, other religion, and we leave in
complete peace with everybody. And one day, if you come to Portugal ( I hope you do, it's such a beautiful country! ), you will be able to feel it!
When you say "she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white.", does she is just worried in her mind, or in fact it's more than a worry? Where she lives people are racist? There is others couples living there, just like you? They are having "bad" times? Can you live with that?
For both of these "problems", the "Relocate With Children" and the "Interracial Romance" I will say that it is a big decision that will change your life forever, you need to be very clear about your expectations and facts also ( not just what you are hearing or worried about.
But my most important advice to you is to listen to your heart.
True love is so precious and can overcome any difficult.
Because both of this "problems" are beyond my experience, and I
want the best for you, I will recommend something that it's a
treasure and a poison.
A treasure because there you will find a lot of very good help.
A poison because there you will find some people that are so angry with life, or that don't love others and themselves enough, and that say horrible things.
Long Distance Relationships ( I guess you will find people that are in LDR and have children's too )
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=19
Interracial Romance
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=18
And if I can be of any more help to you, please let me know!
Don't measure the distance, measure the Love.
Maria Madeira - "The Angel of Distance Loving Help"
P.S. When you go there, people put your "critique hat", and please don't let yourself be influenced by the "poison". Filter the good ones and discard the bad ones. And if you need some advice, if you get confused about what you read there, please email me, I am always here to help you the best I can.
P.P.S. Please, share your advices, post a comment in this post.
Your help is also more than welcome, and all of us will be eternal thankful to you.
Some days ago, I receive 2 emails from 2 members of
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com , asking me to help them with
their Long Distance Relationship problems.
Maybe you have the same problems. So instead of answering to them
individually I decided to share with you their problems and my
advices.
As I want to protect their identity, I only will quote their emails
here.
"Relocate With Children"
One member send me this email:
"I wanted to say thank you for your letters. Every time I read them, I have to laugh because it is exactly what I am going through. I have been in a LDR for a year now. I live in Ca. and he lives in Co. We are both divorced and both of us have 2 daughters that we share custody with. From the very beginning, we were working on getting me and my daughters to move out there
to CO., but my ex-husband won't let me take my daughters. I won't
leave without my girls. We haven't been to court yet, but it is
very expensive and I am hearing that most people are not getting
their custody moveaways.
My fiance is afraid of losing me because it is so hard to live
apart. He loves his daughters soooo very much and has been thinking about leaving them and moving out here to be with me. I just think that he will regret leaving his girls down th road and it will affect our marriage. He is the love of my life, I just don't know what to do at this point."
Well , first of all I want to say that I really love that my
letters are appreciated. Thank you.
Second I want to say that I'm so glad that you "laugh" when you
read my letters. It's so good when we can laugh of our situation.
That means that we can "step outside" of our problems, and are more able to deal with them.
Yes, most of my letters are exactly what you are going through
because I am going through by the same! And that is the main reason of this website, to share with you all my experiences, all my advices so you don't feel alone in the Long Distance Relationship "crusade". And above all, that to "show" you that Long Distance Relationships do work.
Now, going to the problem of relocating and the daughters. I once
post at
http://www.distancelovinghelp.com/blog/2005/07/who-should-relocate-in-long-distance.html ,
my advices about relocating. I also address the problems that
long distance lovers may have to consider when there is children.
I don't have children's yet, but I want to have. So in my case
children are not a concern to me. But if I had children's, for sure, what would most determine the decision about who should relocate, would be the "solution" that would put children in first place. And of course you need to communicate a lot with your beloved, and with your children's, with your ex partners (if possible), until all arrive to the "best" decision.
When you say "I am hearing that most people are not getting their
custody moveaways" my advice is that you should not stick only by
what you are hearing. Research, try to find others that were in the
same situation as you, in the past. Speak with them. "Study" the
law system, what is on your side and what is not?
"Interracial Romance"
Another member send me this email:
"I am in a long distance relationship, i love my lover
so much from my heart. we ahve been together for a
while now.
i am in afirca and she is in the states.
last night i called her and she seemed to be crying at
the time of the call.
i asked why and she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white. can you tell me how to
handle this, do you stories of poeple in a long
distance mix racial relationalship? what books can you
recommend me to read about this."
And I am going to quote something I receive in my email, some days
ago:
"According to the historian A.C. Saunders, the first time
an auction of African slaves was conducted in Portugal
in the 1440s, townspeople where the auction was
held rioted and interfered with the sale.
Why?
They were outraged by the monstrous inhumanity of it.
A few short years later, what had been seen clearly as
an outrage became business as usual and the multi-century
holocaust known as the Atlantic Slave Trade was underway.
Ken McCarthy
Founder, The SYSTEM Seminar
TheSystemSeminar.com"
Yes, I am from Portugal, I have a lot of proud of being Portuguese, but I am also so ashamed for what Portugal did in the past.
Portuguese nowadays, are a completely different people that we was in the past. I guess the same happens in almost all countries!
Nowadays, Portuguese are a very very beautiful people, we are
friendly and warm people, we love to help, and we are not racist.
We respect a lot other cultures, other religion, and we leave in
complete peace with everybody. And one day, if you come to Portugal ( I hope you do, it's such a beautiful country! ), you will be able to feel it!
When you say "she said she was worried of how pople
are going tio treat me if i go tot he states, since i
am black and she is white.", does she is just worried in her mind, or in fact it's more than a worry? Where she lives people are racist? There is others couples living there, just like you? They are having "bad" times? Can you live with that?
For both of these "problems", the "Relocate With Children" and the "Interracial Romance" I will say that it is a big decision that will change your life forever, you need to be very clear about your expectations and facts also ( not just what you are hearing or worried about.
But my most important advice to you is to listen to your heart.
True love is so precious and can overcome any difficult.
Because both of this "problems" are beyond my experience, and I
want the best for you, I will recommend something that it's a
treasure and a poison.
A treasure because there you will find a lot of very good help.
A poison because there you will find some people that are so angry with life, or that don't love others and themselves enough, and that say horrible things.
Long Distance Relationships ( I guess you will find people that are in LDR and have children's too )
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=19
Interracial Romance
http://members.lovingyou.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=18
And if I can be of any more help to you, please let me know!
Don't measure the distance, measure the Love.
Maria Madeira - "The Angel of Distance Loving Help"
P.S. When you go there, people put your "critique hat", and please don't let yourself be influenced by the "poison". Filter the good ones and discard the bad ones. And if you need some advice, if you get confused about what you read there, please email me, I am always here to help you the best I can.
P.P.S. Please, share your advices, post a comment in this post.
Your help is also more than welcome, and all of us will be eternal thankful to you.
,
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